1. Replace “you” statements with “I feel” statements.
2. Don’t say “You never…”, “You always….”, and “I told you so…”
3. Don’t dredge up the past in the current argument.
4. Really listen.
5. Don’t say things you’ll regret later. (accusatory things).
6. No name calling or cursing.
7. Watch your body language (eye rolling, etc).
8. No disallowing the other person’s feelings. Understand that how you feel is more important then how they intended it.
9. Figure out how your partner handles anger.
Sheila: needs time to cool. Can’t think clearly.
Michael: wants to talk it out, discuss the problem.
10. Don’t go to sleep angry.
11. Your partner cannot read your mind.
12. Don’t say “NOTHING”. You can say, “Yes, something is wrong but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
13. Pick the right time to discuss things. (not right as you are walking in to church).
14. Don’t add fuel to the fire.
15. Diffuse anger with humor when appropriate.16. Say, “I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?” when it’s your fault. Own your share.
17. Be forgiving, kind.
18. Don’t hold a grudge. GRACE! (This eliminates scars and bad memories in your memory bank.)
19. Go to God to grumble and complain about your spouse; do NOT call your mother or even your best friend.
20. Look at your own part in this. “Log in your own eye before the speck in the other’s”
21. Expectations can set up for failure.
22. Hurting your spouse hurts yourself. (“The two shall become one flesh”)
23. Self-talk (a running conversation in your head). Can be from Satan. Causes discontent. Take every thought captive.
24. Ladies, be aware of what time of the month it is. You may be being particularly sensitive when at other times it wouldn’t bother you. Guys, you be aware to!